Maria came from Nashville with a suitcase in her hand, I always kinda sorta wished I looked like Elvis

I seem to always be saying this, but, "it's been a while." Summer is bad for blogging. I spend too much time hanging out with friends, and as those friends are mostly the people that read this blog, it's hard to be motivated to write. That, and when I'm hanging out with friends, I'm not doing anything interesting that can't be tracked in another manner. Like, a month or so ago, a friend was housesitting for some folks with a chicken coop, so some friends and I went over to see the chickens. I took some pictures of them playing with chickens, and then put them up on facebook. That was the end of that; it felt like there wasn't any need to write about how fun it was playing with chickens, when the folks in those pictures are the people who read this the most. :-\

In addition to summer not being good for blogging, I've been in a different sort of mood since school ended. I've had a lot less desire to share generally (as opposed to individually), and a desire to be quieter. I've been listening to a lot more indie and folk music this summer, which is quite different from the punk and hardcore binge I went on at the end of the schoolyear, or the hip hop binge I went on last year. I've spent a lot more time thinking about my problems, and a lot less time writing about them, which means less poetry. The same is true for events in my life, which means fewer blog posts.

Spring semester was very intense for me, academically and emotionally. Academically, I was very busy, doing homework, planning for the coming year, planning for the future, writing papers, writing code, writing poetry. But I also made new friends, forged stronger friendships, missed some people more than is usually healthy, forgot how to breathe, and remembered just in time to fly away.

This year I lost some independence, and gained some self-esteem, and realized both of those things are important to me. I realized that what I want isn't always compatible with current situations - something that is completely contrary to the lessons I learned as an only child in a supportive household. I was taught, all through my life, you can be anything you want, you can do anything you wish to. I never thought that I wouldn't know what I wanted. I also never learned that sometimes what you want involves others - it takes more than one egg to make an omelette; some things cannot be accomplished alone, and sometimes others don't want the same things you do. And... in that case, you *can't* do whatever you want. Sometimes people won't be there to support your endeavors.

And sometimes, people will be there. The people who love you should inspire and support you, and you should do the same for them, out of love for their dreams.

I'm coming home again.


  1. Summer does kind of suck away the life force, doesn't it? At least you're not totally disconnected, and I least I had that one month where I wasn't.

  2. I miss you so much right now.

  3. as always, yay for an update!! (and by the way at least one of your readers was not present for the chicken encounter-i'd have been terrifyed- but would still like to see pictures, so think on that!)

    but reading this post makes me feel incredibly optimistic for some reason. the reflection is nice too, important things to learn (really not trying to sound condesending).