I completely missed my update, sorry. It was an up and down kind of day, I wasn't really with it for most of the time. Here are song lyrics; I'm not sure they're complete yet, they could use a little more, but I'm not sure yet. Ordering isn't for sure yet either, but that's down to the music, you know? Anyways, tentative title is get lit up.

we are blinded
by visions of what this is supposed to be
there's all ghosts in the dark

lost ourselves
dried up all we three
we all outta spark

to get lit up!

a house on fire!
a rising fever!

his skin turned sulfur
flames rising high in the dark
he shambled towards us
his hair singed up
his eyes snuffed out
he got all lit up.

EDIT: My own reaction to this poem is "Fire it up", so yeah. :P

3 days at a time

This is going to be ... difficult. But I'm going to try and remember. Here we go.

Thursday: The Day I Had Off
I didn't do anything. Like, seriously, I played WoW for 5-6 hours. I didn't have any homework yet, because my teachers were late putting up assignments, and I didn't have class (as I don't on Thursdays for the next 13-14 weeks :D). It was lame. I did, however, work out in the evening and that was amazing. I went too close to dinner, so my stomach seized up and I could only do 1.5 miles before getting off the treadmill and walking around thinking about how much it would suck to throw up medium hot chili. After that I lifted weights, definite improvement. I may go tonight, late. I love the hours at the Mac gym, just what college students need.
Breakfast: Cheerios and milk, banana.
Lunch: Eh... pumpkin bread?
Dinner: Chili.
Snack: Fig Newtons and pumpkin bread.
Cups of coffee: 0
Cups of tea: 5

Friday: TGIF
Friday was pretty good. No workout, off day.
Breakfast: Cheerios and milk. Almost out of milk.
Lunch: Didn't really happen, I went to Dunn's and struggled with ITS instead.
Dinner: The last bit of Chili. It will be sorely missed. It was a very good chili.
Snack: Pumpkin bread! :D
Cups of coffee: 2
Cups of tea: 3

Saturday: Shadowrun
First day of new RPG, but I woke up late so there wasn't much happening on the food front.
Breakfast: Nope.
Lunch: 3 pieces of pumpkin bread? =S
Snack: Bagel bites. Delicious.
Dinner: Pizza: my father doesn't know how to make cardboard pizza, or use the fancy-pants oven they have over there; he did however build the whole damn kitchen. There's something inspiring somewhere in there.
Cups of coffee: 4
Cups of tea: 4, but it was weak tea.

Oh, also to note, on Friday, I discovered that I do still possess the ability to write normal poetry that doesn't go to a beat and have ingenious end-, in-line- and half-rhyme schemes. Went and saw Cecil Otter and Dessa that night too. They put on an awesome show together, if they're ever paired, go see it, they have great stage presence and play off eachother really well:

Cecil, after messing with Dessa during her song: "Can I be the not funny one?"
Dessa: "Check."
Cecil: "Daaamn...."

Tessa was fun to go with, because together we knew almost all the lyrics from Doomtree. =P

EDIT: corrected cups of coffee for Saturday.


Day Three: Jaded and Day Four: Missing

Yesterday was a weird day. I was out of it. I realized I had been out of it for a while. I feel the most real when I'm eating dinner. It's getting better. But still, off putting. My emotions are all just mixed around, blended. One sour smoothie.

Workout: Too sad and lonely to work out. Really. I'm not kidding. I failed to send a package and that was just the last straw and I sat at home the rest of the night on my computer.
Breakfast: Cheerios, milk. Breakfast of champions. Ok, breakfast of me. I'm a champion.
Lunch: Dried mango. Delicious, and still so oddly mango-y.
Dinner: Chili. No surprise there. Still good the next day.
Snack: Fig Newtons. ::lovestruck::
Cups of coffee: 2
Cups of tea: 0

Today was a better day. I was up until almost 4 playing this silly game called "grow" on the internet. I got up at 8:30 --- ok, now I know where that Meat Tape punk song came to my brain from: Kidney Thief ---, showered, went to class, did pretty well. Multivariable is unfortunately pretty boring for right now, we're basically doing pre-calc again, except for 2 variable equations. Whatever. My other classes make up for it. I love being done with class at 1:00. I also love being done 1:00 Wednesdays until 9:40 on Friday. Awesome.

Workout: Decided to wait until tomorrow and do homework instead.
Breakfast: Cheerios, milk. Surprise surprise. I keep meaning to eat that last banana....
Snack: Dried mango.
Lunch: Chili.
Dinner: Chili. It's still really really good. I still have no problem eating it. It's just too delicious. I continue to love how it turned out.
Cups of coffee: 2
Cups of tea: 0

Probably more of one of those two, and a snack later. Yum yum.

Need blank DVDs. And drive. And emotion. I been stuck...ya'll have heard it. Regardless, somehow life isn't so easy right now. I can't stop rhyming. I need a beat.


Day Two: Crooks

Title's in reference to the last post. Guess I should get that out of the way. No workout today, my calves were super sore from the run yesterday, but not until my first 3 hour block of class.

First day of classes were good - my workload is going to be pretty steady but not too bad. Jeff Shotts was amusing. Digital Electronics was overwhelming ("here, physics 1 in a half hour"). Operating Systems was bash terminal and pleading for kernel hacking later. Multi was... I dunno, profs amusing; he's from Texas, and he's got a nice soft accent. Lotta Doomtree today. "Hope don't float, hope sinks low" and all that. It's been an up and down kind of day.

Breakfast: Cheerios and milk, banana.
Lunch: Late, sandwich sans bread (went bad today - like, white mold bad); makes up for yesterday's first lunch.
Snack: Dried mango. Tasty. Will be having more of that tomorrow.
Dinner: CHILI. I had it in the slow cooker all day, smelled amazing. It was delicious, I used beef and a mix of dark and red kidney beans, so it had a great hearty taste. Cumin, oregano, chili powder and garlic salt brought the taste of the individual pieces out really well too. A tad spicy, just how I like it. I didn't even bother having anything else with this.
Cups of coffee: 1.
Cups of tea: .5


It's cheating, I know...

My art post this week is telling you to go look at somebody else's. Go to this guy's site, scroll down until you get to the youtube video with the hands holding the heart, and watch brilliance in action.

Yeah. Go.


Day One: Cooks

Things! To discuss! Sane things ... I know, I'm lying, bare with me. Anyways, I just spent the day away from my computer, due to my eyes getting sore (and possibly irritated) from looking at the screen too much over the past week. School starts tomorrow as well, and considering that three of my classes are effectively centered around the computer, I needed a break. As you can probably see from my last post. Gur.

Anyways, taking a leaf from Washington's book (the Hill, not George), I am starting an Activity Log, by which I mean a, when I worked out and what I ate today log. But Colin? What does this have to do with Obama?--Nothing! However, the standard prescription is "oversight", so that's what I'm doing here - you guys are the oversight. The Audience. Der Zuschauer. Jamie will think about spectacle, but ho! There is none of that business here.

So, today. I ran a 5k today (3.1 miles) in 21:30. Great! But it was on an elliptical, which is not actually the same as running a 5k. Shucks. But it's better than the 1 mile I could do two days ago. I also lifted today; yesterday was my day off and I was S-O-R-E. I'm still sore, but happily worn out. Like a dog. With a ball. My plan is to lift Sunday, Tuesday and Thursday and run at least those days as well, but with an option for more.

Here's my food for today. I'm trying to list it out so that I eat better, because if I show it to people, I know they would tell me to eat better.

Breakfast: ...whoops. Not a good start.
Lunch: ... bread?
Lunch, Take 2: Chicken breast sandwich with pepperjack, and a banana. Yum.
Dinner: Bowtie pasta with red sauce and fried Italian sausage, and water.
Snack, later: Probably either bell pepper or fig newtons.
Cups of coffee: 2.5, working on more, don't worry.
Cups of tea: 0.

School starts tomorrow! Finally! Yay!!!
I hate quoting myself, especially quoting things I've written. However, despite that, to quote, "I'm dying of fright over here."

That last part pretty much sums up my feelings at the moment. I'm pretty desperate for movement, pretty desperate for coolant, 'cause I got too much fire and only action can fuel it.

See there I go again. It's midnight, I'm playing the blues, and that's how I feel.

I just sang along with Freak Out Squares. If you know who Building Better Bombs are, you'll understand that "sang" is not the operative imperfect past-tense verb to use here. Screamed, howled, exploded would all be more descriptive words, prescripted curs cut out to purrs, took off like the blur, lured by bad evidence, dropped like Challenger residents.

Do you understand the problem? To the left of my computer I can see my iPod, my grocery list, an empty bottle of Guinness, extra stout, two CDs. To the right is Claritin, two guitar picks, a half-empty cup of coffee and my mouse.

I'm stuck between stations, not with a Hold Steady kind of patience, and not the ISS, good gracious.

It's been a weird couple of days. I really miss my girlfriend.


I am a liar and a thief.
I steal words and images from others,
From the fingers of the world,
Which, wrapped around the warped nature of lovers,
the true soul of life,
And of the mother's heart,
where true love begins,
Press and fret not the strings of sound,
Of music that sings between the trees,
That baritones through the ground;
No, these fingers cover my holes,
Obscure my failings,
Allow me to pipe one last stolen tune -
Poetry, we call it.
We will never deserve such a gift.


the difference in you living out a self, and a self being lived in.

Last day of work was nothing special. Aly said she'd write a letter of recommendation though, if she could, which is awful nice of her to do. Saw more people today when I went in to pick up my check, which was nice. Said goodbye to more people. I may be back in the summer though, so it could be just a, "I will return" ala McArthur (sp?).

In other news, banjo is going to be good for my back, playing it correctly requires really good posture. This is a good thing, but also a painful thing, unfortunately. Currently listening to one of the "Best 27.4 Minutes of my Life". Let's just say, "we can not be stopped, no."

This one's 'Here is a Man'. I wrote it Freshman year of college, went back earlier this year and revised it.

Here is a man who once
Shot another
That I may live.
The bullet entered in the
Center of my attacker’s palm,
Shattering the bones
In a flash of blood and iron.
When that man passed away
From grief, this man
Was one of few
That threw a rose in his grave.

Here is a man who once
Loved me
That I might live.
He has loved as
No other can,
As no other could.
When I fell out of love,
He loved on; this man
Would have been one
That threw a rose on my grave.

Here is a man who is
A Zeitgeist by more than one meaning.
His memory –
It’s broken.

So here he sits
In a French Café,
Two hours away from another day of shelving books
In this small village,
Speaking a language he never knew,
He knows not my face as I pass by…
Remembers not my touch,
Nor the smell of gunpowder.

He carries with him, however,
A rose;
He is ready should I die.

Stripped cured and worn in order to protect you

I was listening to Meat Tape by P.O.S. (ok, it's a mixtape arranged by him, lots of stuff), and there's a Cecil Otter song where he has a bridge that goes "something something something, something something something, blood's coming out, time is running out" and he says this twice. Now I'm thinking, where have I heard this before? I'm racking my brains, walking home from work, and I start thinking it's the Plastic Constellations -- it's something they'd write, right? So I decide it's them, when suddenly, two songs later, TPC is playing Best Things. Best Things?! Awesome, I love this song. Whenever I listen to music I haven't listened to in a while, I try to remind my self what the chorus sounds like, and all of a sudden, wham! there's the lines in the prechorus. These guys all listen to the same fucking music. It makes me happy. And feel like less of a loser for listening to so much music.

I just tried installing Open Office 3 on Ubuntu. It ... didn't work. I can never get .jars to run from bash right, and I can't open the jar otherwise with sudo privileges. I tried this complicated process of turning some sort of rpm file into a debian file and then using dpkg, but that didn't work either, so in the end I just ended up reinstalling the Ubuntu 2.4 version. It's too bad, because I really want the new version, with all its new nifty features. I guess I'll just have to wait until Ubuntu compiles it themselves and sticks it in the repository.

On another front, I recently tried to update iTunes on my Windows side, only to find out the QuickTime installation failed. So I go to uninstall and reinstall, and lo and behold, I have no programs in my Add/Remove list. WTF? So I do some searches online, open up the registry via regedit, dick around, don't see anything unusual, and close it. A little while later, all my programs reappeared in the list. That was weird. I take the opportunity to remove Crysis, some compiler I don't use and QuickTime. However, I'm guessing it's some sort of infection, so I have to run a couple of tests over the next few days: checkdisk, Spy Sweeper scan, virus scan. I also need to defrag REALLY BAD. For some reason my hard drive is super slow, even for its rotation speed of 5400, but defragging doesn't even do all that much. W/e. Guinness makes it better.


I'm afraid to use the last page of my sketchbook, for fear that what ever I draw isn't worthy of being there. Like it has to sum up the last 100 pages somehow. Has anyone else ever felt like this?

Last day of work tomorrow, 5-10:30. Hm. "End of an era," to quote.


obsession and fetish are an ending man's king

Time for the Monday art update. Here's a drawing I did a couple of years ago. Charcoal on paper.

The idea of a line of souls waiting for something sticks with me as a powerful image, I'm not sure why. It's come up a couple of times. The thing I liked about this was how they were blended together, one was almost indistinguishable from the next.



Sorry, I actually am taking Multivariable next semester, not Linear Algebra; I had forgotten that LA conflicted with another class. Also, it appears that Digital Electronics only has one lab a week, as opposed to the 2 I thought it had when I signed up. We'll see on the first day of class (next Monday! :D). I'm actually pretty excited for school right now.

Today I played banjo, guitar, WoW and a PS2 football game. I chatted with Angie, saw my folks briefly and bought a metronome. All in all, a pretty good day. Cups of coffee: 0. Espresso Drinks: 0. Cups of tea: 4-5. Meals had: 3.

Also, to whom it may concern: 56 and 3/4.

How will he know what must be planned around... and what must be slaughtered outright?

For those who didn't notice, the bit about where the blog title came from was sort of my Gedichte des Donnerstags update. Sorry, you'll get a real one next week.

Everyone's leaving this weekend, that hasn't already left. During the next week or so Mac kids will start to trickle back into the Cities, depending on where they're from and where they're staying, so that will be nice; it'll also guarantee longer hours at Coffee News. Still, the next week is going to be pretty quiet. So what do I have planned?

Nothing, actually. I'm trying to keep my expectations low so that I can just do things. It's working so far; I went through some books I haven't unpacked yet and found my C book, so that'll probably get toyed with. I also already practiced banjo today, and I plan on playing again later. I dunno, I'm just trying to keep things rein, because that's how solitude should be, no?

Besides, I've got enough tea and coffee to last me for a while, and Kowalski's and Target are within walking distance. I need to get groceries and a metronome today, but my mother is being difficult and not cooperating with me. I also need a metal pitcher to steam milk in. I realized this the other night while I had friends over.

Thursday and Friday turned into game nights at my house this last week. Thursday was poker (I took second, Tessa won) and Friday was a six person Risk game. The risk game was pretty nice, we had some new/played once years ago players, and it was a real good experience for them, almost everyone expressed a lot of interest in playing again. I won, due to Vinny handing me Jake on a platter, which led to my turn taking about an hour; that wasn't quite the end either, so it was a long game. I also saw Vinny a lot this weekend, which was cool, because we haven't been able to hang out a lot for a long while.

Tomorrow is character creation in Vinny's new Shadowrun RPG. For those who are unaware, Shadowrun is an alternate future setting (neither utop or distop, just life) where the Mayan belief of the end of the 5th world did indeed happen, except that the 6th world is just the 5th world with magic and D&D races. It's pretty awesome, and we'll be playing in MSP, which is even cooler. I'll be playing a Romani hedge witch who gets possessed by spirits when she's in trouble. I've thought a lot about my character concept and actually did a lot of research on the Romani, so hopefully that'll be useful.


Letter in the Mail

I have good news and bad news. The good news is that I'm updating this from my TV, which I connected my computer to. The bad news is that, according to Martin, the EP will not be ready by the end of break. Apparently bad microphones won't record drums well and good microphones are more expensive than our drums. Sorry.

We are as heavy as are cities are...

I never really explained the title of my blog. It's a great title: poetic, epic, but clean, short and easy to remember. I can't claim authorship though. I stole it from a poem my Dad wrote years ago, which he carved onto a wooden block that now sits in our basement. Seeing it always makes me sort of happy-sad.


When one releases themselves to defending their portion of spotlight, How will he know

So...looking to the future. Fun times. I've sort of, almost completed my rough resume, which I'll be submitting to the CDC for revision/advice. It's already getting alpha tested by my mom, so hopefully I can start writing more specific versions of it soon for all those internships I've seen.

Speaking of work, I put in my two weeks notice at the bookstore today: Aly was pretty unhappy. She hit my shoe and wailed, but at least she was already lying on the floor from exhaustion. Still, I had told Christy a month ago at least that I was going to be leaving when the semester started. Aly seemed pretty ok with it when she left, although that could just have been because she had been at the hospital with another staff member for 3 hours. Through some freak accident he took a big gash across the forehead from a glass case; it was apparently pretty bloody, as there some stains that had spurted up onto the top of the case (from the bottom, where he was bent over).

Regardless, I'll still have some sort of job this semester - I'm 'working' as a preceptor for my professor's Theory of Computation class, which I took last Spring. I really enjoyed the class the first time around, and it's the sort of class that you need a preceptor for, just because it's not intuitive to everybody. The book can also be...dense. By which I mean perfectly readable until he hits a proof. It'll be fun and enjoyable, in short. It'll also pay for my coffee and tea habits.

I'm taking 4 classes this coming semester, all of them probably pretty difficult; I'll discuss them each in turn. Linear Algebra is math, not calc but like calc, and, along with multivariable, for differential equations. That's all anybody would really know. This is probably my easiest class, if that sets the bar for anyone. Vinny will scoff. Digital Electronics is an follow-up to a CS class on low-level design and programming. I'll basically be building circuits and stuff. It's going to be a lot of fun, but probably a lot of theoretical and physical work. I need to review my old textbook in preparation, but I know there are probably going to be Physics kids without any experience in the CS pre-req. It's taught by Jim Doyle, a full prof in the Physics dept. who's been around for a while; good prof/person from what I've heard. The kicker of this class is the 3 hour lab twice a week -- altogether 9 hours a week of classtime. Operating Systems is a CS topics course taught by Shilad Sen, our new tenure-track prof. Outside of the title of the course, I'm not sure what to expect, since I haven't had him as a teacher and I haven't run into anyone who's ever taken the course before. It used to be a Schneider course, so the syllabus will change immensely, as no one can teach like he did. Not sure what to expect yet. We finally leave my major with Crafts of Writing: Poetry, which will be (hopefully) a lot of fun. It's taught by Jeff Schotts, an amazing English prof who also teaches a great course on literary publication. He was Jamie's intro prof, and she said he was real good. It meets once a week on Mondays for 3 hours, so I'm guessing it'll be really intense workshop and a lot of writing other than that. Should be plenty interesting; I know that he at least considers spoken word to be poetry, which is a pretty good start.

Other things I'm doing? Possibly running an online Vampire game, playing in Vinny's tt Shadowrun campaign (set in MSP, fuckin' sweet), applying to internships, learning to cook, playing guitar and possibly auditing Chinese 4 -- not sure yet on the last one, but it's a possibility.


Such are the toils of the skull space and its no place to ache.

I'm back! I just spent the week in Virginia, where I had an amazing time with my girlfriend. We spent a lot of time being silly and playing Rock Band 2 at Best Buy; I'm sort of surprised they didn't kick us out the 5th time we were in there. I actually ended up going to her annual high school reunion, which she was not intending to attend; it was ... surreal. Interesting, but very odd. I met some of her friends and had a good afternoon hanging out with her and her friend Kate, who had just been on a study away in France. I also got to see her friend Meg, who is awesome and a joy to spend time around, so that was nice.

I found the most amazing thing at the Hanover mall (yes, that's how it's spelled - there's also a Montpelier, VA): "filter lids". If you've ever spent time around me in person, I've probably drunk coffee, or talked about drinking coffee in the future, or talked about a great cup of coffee I had yesterday or last week. I drink a lot of coffee; I've been informed that the smell of coffee is part of my natural scent at this point. However, in an effort to be able to better recommend teas to customers at work, I've started working my wear through various popular teas and different ways to drink them. Well, I've gotten hooked on Earl Gray with Steamed Milk - it's cheap, I get milk, and it tastes like tea, only the briskness is less strong. Normally I have to put up with weak tea in the milk, but at this coffee shop, the tea was put directly into the cup. Huh, that's weird. The filter for the tea.... is in the lid!!! It's crazy, and a great idea. And tasty.

Anyways, as for the Artsy Fartsy Mondays update: I've been really busy, so I haven't had time to draw much. My sketchbook is also full. I need a new one, but I have other things I have to buy first (like food). Aaaaaaaaaand, most of the work I've been doing is for the band, which means you won't see it until it gets released. I'd estimate about a week or two on the EP, if you're interested. Exciting times. So instead of showing you stuff, I'll talk about things. I've been doing a lot of typesetting/font work recently; I really enjoy manipulating letters and such. If anybody has any websites they know of with interesting designs, letters, etc., post them on a comment; I enjoy viewing as much as I enjoy creating. I'm definitely still a novice in this, so any tips on how to achieve a particular look would also be cool to read/see.

We're past ExitingARM and onto Day Dangerous, in case you were wondering. The last post title translates to "why do you flay arm?", when put in English and non-Yoda grammar.


you flay R M pro quo

I've been a naughty blogger. I haven't updated regularly in over 3 weeks. Ok, more like a month. I dunno, everyone who reads my blog has been home, and I've been so very busy anyways. Still, I'll make it up to you (and promise you more in the future) by posting stuff now. The title of this update could be called Scribbles: I present to you incomplete drawings and poetry.

I often draw little animals and figures when I'm sketching. As usual, a lot of flowing lines, plus detail with rapid small strokes. It's just how I draw. I once tried to imitate different famous artists' drawing styles for a class, and... well, it didn't work out too well. The only one I could do well is how I draw now; it's similar to how I drew before that, I was just less refined and self-aware.

There's nothing you could say,
No regular expression I would recognize
To make me halt on LOVE.
There's no computable way
To derive the grammar I keep inside
When you only push and shove.

Even double dykstra couldn't help you
Reach me, though I wouldn't mind.
Just know, before you even start
There's no spanning tree in the shape of my heart.

Poetry + Geek = 1337 10\/3