to separate yourself from your effects and evacuate one's sturdy flesh.

Wow. I am so very tired. This has been a long hard week. I've been working, moving, travelling, seeing family, trying to see friends and I've had absolutely no time to relax. Busy is nice, but... so sleepy, you know? I'm taking a day to relax when I'm in Virginia, I hope my girlfriend doesn't mind. I'll be doing regular updates this coming week, and then no updates the next week, as that's when I'll be out of town. After that though it's fair game, so expect to see a lot more stuff in about two weeks.

It's really difficult for me to just sit down and write poetry these days. I always feel as if I'm writing to a genre, or for a particular purpose; maybe it's just that I fill the work with a purpose after the fact, but it's really tough to always write purposefully. I have so much going on inside that I don't know how to express, so maybe writing just isn't the way to do it.

I did sit down last night and open up about 20 or so different word documents with lyrics in them. I started playing a little guitar, and found some nice progressions for two of the songs. It was nice to know that I can make music still, after not being able to play for so long. It seems silly to say, but I actually worry sometimes that if I don't exercise something I'll lose it. Actually, this could be said of everything I relate to - if I don't interact with it enough, it'll leave me.

Punk band's activities are shaping up. We hope to have the Basement EP out by the end of break, which is the 26th for me. We'll be playing a show at some point, which will hopefully be higher energy and lower nervousness for us, and if you want to see our mellower sides, there should be an open mic coming soon. We recorded the last one, it'd be fun to do that again. Once we find shirts we'll be pumping those out pretty quick, and the booklet will come together pretty quick as well. The tentative tracklisting (no order, just presence) for the EP is:
-All Along the Watchtower (sorry bob dylan)
-Information Age
-Shadows in the Dark
-I can't
-It is coming
-Down to the Watershed



I guess I was lying about returning to regular updates. Sorry. Still busy. But, Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays!


what you know grows colder

Normal posting schedule will resume on Monday. Sorry everyone. I'll throw up an update on what's been going on in my life tomorrow too.


Finals week, so no blog posts. Sorry everybody. I'll get back to that next week. Maybe I'll be inspired by my girlfriend and all yall'll get new poetry.

So for those who haven't seen me recently, my hands are really messed up. I have pretty sensitive skin, so every winter I have to be careful about how much time I spend outside with bare hands; I usually end up putting lotion on them once every two days or so. However, I also have a habit of being in the food service industry during winter, which means that I'm washing my hands a million times a day and working with sanitizer. It kills my hands, and I end up with cracks and bleeding and general discomfort.

This year, however, it's honestly terrible. No matter what I do, my hands do not rehydrate. I've tried denying them lotion, I've tried putting a lot on, I've tried violently exfoliating them -- nothing works. The problem is that whenever I breathe in coffee grounds that are in the air (ie. at work), I start sneezing. Aaaaand, every time I sneeze, I have to wash my hands, which means I'm washing my hands 40+ times a day. Also, we just got new really high power sanitizer. When I say high-power, I'm not talking about your momma's sanitizer, no, this shit is whack - it says to always use gloves, goggles and FACEMASK when handling the sanitizer, and it causes IRREPARABLE eye damage if it gets in contact with your eyes. WHY ARE WE USING THIS?!? How can this be food safe???

I realized today that I should have been taking pictures of them, just to document the silliness of it. Oh, well.

I have to go to the bank; I have moneys to put in. Maybe I'll do that tomorrow. I'm looking to see people tomorrow, if that would be cool? Anybody that's in town? Bernizzle? V? Wow, what an awesome nickname for him. Although, Evey might be more appropriate, either the Vendetta character or the Pokemon.


you're way, you're way, you're way, you're way, you're way, you're way too goner for that

Martin posted something, and I realized I had a lot to say about it. This was my comment on the page, followed by some more thoughts.

"I know what he's saying. I know what you're saying. If you've ever heard of the Romantic movement, or Romanticism, or die Romantik or some shit like that, that's what this is about -- making real shit to make it, striving, creating, doing, because that's what makes us human. Without this, we are dead, as nothing -- according to Herder, we strive our entire lives in order to become human only at the end, when we have been all we can be. "cogito ergo sum" my ass, "volo ergo sum" is the diy ethos, only two hundred years ago and in Latin.

I think we're on the same page with why we make some noise, no?"

You have to be willing to throw yourself into everything, to try and become everything. That's the only reason I survive at college, because I'm here, so I try my hardest to invest my self in my work, and my classes and eventually it works and I'm invested without trying. That's the reason I have been so messed up this semester, so depressed at times, so bi-polar: variety and change are not the spices of life - they are life. Without change, without excitement, without challenge or energy or enjoyment, there is only boredom, and boredom is death. Stale is death. Silence is death. Open your mouth and let your voice be heard because there is only one you, because as far as I can tell we've only got one shot, but really, because you must in order to be alive.

This is why I listen to cathartic music, this is why I can't find time to exercise, because I'm too busy using my energy in living, creating, breathing in the only way that I can: by making some fucking noise, even if it's quiet.

So drop a couple bombs. Strike quick and leave some paint behind. Stir up trouble. Wake people up. Quit dying quietly. Quit stopping starting. Write. Draw. Create. Love. Imagine. Collaborate. Hug your mom. Make people remember what it is they're missing out on. People have forgotten how to live -- it's our job to show them how far they've fallen, so they can get back up.

Fall down 7 times, stand up eight. DIYMF.


and resign your slight regime to time

I've commented on some of the posts, if people want to check back. Did people like the poetry every day thing? I enjoyed doing it, and it's not like I don't have a whole shitload to post...

Here's a paper update from your favorite CS student; although, if this guy is your actual favorite, I wouldn't mind.

AI - 7/12ish I'm guessing; it's a 10-15 pager, and we've got a LOT of diagrams. ;P

Algorithms - 3.5 single-spaced out of ... ? I don't know. 5 or so single spaced? Something like that.

German - 0/4 I've done a lot of thinking though, and I have an extension due to the crrrazyness that is my finals "week" (read: 24 hours)

Chinese - semester essay portfolio is done/done, and the test is not studied for/ready to go.

3 essays due within 24 hours of eachother on Monday/Tuesday, a test on Wednesday at 10, work Wednesday, Thursday, Saturday and Sunday, moving in on to my new place Monday during the day, and Angie gets here Monday night! Huzzah!

However, I get to see a friend at work tonight, as she's coming back from Italy after studying abroad. On the subject of Tashas, ninja-chan I need to see you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


The longer you go, the more the laws of flesh reveal to you about those more visible veins on the back of your hands something very serious.

Working on papers. Nobody comments on my blog anymore. :(

and resign the simple engine of your fears to time...

More poetry. Whoooo.

The crash of the waves on the banks of the sea
Where I always know you and you often know me.
Memories of that lake in the woods,
But the dream, upon waking, is never as good
As the feeling where you once stood.

The mantle’s fief and Shakespeare’s bust,
The sparrow’s rest and the city’s lust.
Like a bicycle left in the rain and snow,
Things are never the same once you go.

The story’s being told in the mountain cave
Past the face and the place with your choice of slaves
Past the hole where the winter’s gone
Where the days are hard and the nights are long
There I’ll sit and I’ll be strong…

The mantle’s fief and Shakespeare’s bust,
The sparrow’s rest and the city’s lust.
Like a bicycle left in the rain and snow,
Things are never the same once you go.

I lay here, knowing
That outside it’s snowing
And my insides are cold as my heart,
But not quite as tart.

The blow of the wind through the leaves on the trees
Reminds me where I am, what you said I need.
All I know now is the balance I’ve found
Here amidst the willows, and the snow on the ground,
I’m hardly free, but still far from bound.


to dine on royal oil of arm

My life is papers. I'm currently writing 3 papers and assembling a collection of essays for a portfolio. It's all a tad overwhelming, as anybody who's been around my crazy recently can tell. I realize now, at the end of this paragraph, that the beginning wasn't really that outstanding; I work in a bookstore, I write quite a bit, I read a lot....

Hardy, young and fortified,
28 years younger than 45,
Almost had me a pretty bride,
Prettiest face I’ve seen.

Gracious, kind and always patient
Rarely gone and not complacent,
Never ever made me face it,
Lonely, bright and green.

But now she’s gone,
And this heart isn’t mine.
I’ll never fall in love again,
Never, out of mind,
‘Till in Heaven’s Hold I lie.

Kissed her quick in a bright new dawn,
She kissed me back, hard and long,
How was I to know that she’d be gone
In just a few hours’ time?

She packed my bags and I left town
Went to deliver my old soul down
Out on the road where it wouldn’t be found
To pay penance for my crimes.

But now she’s gone,
And this heart isn’t mine.
I’ll never fall in love again,
Never, out of mind,
‘Till in Heaven’s Hold I lie.

‘Cause now she’s gone,
I’ve lost my sake and soul to time,
I’ll never fall in love again,
Lord has struck me blind.
Now in Heaven’s Hold I lie.


exiting arm, the pit and alabaster ascension

That last one was pretty easy to choose; I really like those lyrics, just because they reflect how I walked into that particular relationship well. I like them because they're accurate, I guess. Anyways, this week I'm trying to post only lyrics, specifically lyrics that I wrote to be played, or that, upon reflection, should be played, on acoustic guitar or by some other acoustic, non-electric, arrangement of instruments. Here's the next one for today. Tell me what you think about all the stuff that goes up this week, I'm curious to hear it.

I remember the first time I saw Jimmy,
He was standing still in the sun of some sunken Valley.
They called him Saint, they named him serious,
Now they call him the Ravager, crown him delirious.
It’s easier to remember the title than it is to remember the name.
I remember his lack of motion, but I can’t quite recall his face.

The Ravager kills at night but stalks his prey
By day he always breaks his fast in his field.
Or does he break their bodies in the weald?
I forget the purpose, just remember the place.
I forget the feeling but keep feeling the space.

Like in church at night on Wednesdays –
Congregated to avoid being
Subjugated to gruesome death, I think.
I can’t remember, but I make sure
To memorize the woodgrain on the pew
With my hands in case I have
To stand and can’t get back.

Remember the title, can’t remember the name
Remember the motion, can’t remember the face
Remember the purpose, keep forgetting the place,
Remember the feeling, keep missing the space.

I’ve heard it said you can hear the dead
If you walk his old hills but I never,
I never can seem to remember their names.


when last we left hour hero yes, left one part endless... two parts death.

So because I missed the poetry update last week so badly, and because I need a distraction from finals week, you'll be getting a poetry update every day for at least this week. Enjoy!

I wish I could crawl in you and touch your eyes,
Find out how you see my lies.
When I let go you’ll be blind,
That way I can lie and you won’t mind.

You’ve been playing a game of keep-away
For so long you’ve forgotten how not to.
But even I can finally see today
Through the sunlight, so blue…

You brought me home and touched my heart
The same way I touched your chest in the dark.
You caught me quick and threw me back quicker,
I had to walk ‘till the crack dawned thicker.

We were playing our games in the sea,
I teased you and you bit me.
Now you’re gone and I’ve lost what I’ve gained,
But the scar you left still remains.

You’ve been playing a game of keep-away
For so long you’ve forgotten how not to.
But even I can finally see today
Through the sunlight, so blue…

I wish I could crawl in you and touch your eyes,
Make you turn and see these thoughts inside,
But you laugh while I quietly warn:
“This fire will consume you too in turn.”


ye old 12 point hand

Another one of those lyrics drawings. Nobody guessed last time, so 50 points to the winner this time!